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On Dating. or my MBA. Or Self-Love Some Ramblings Like This or

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Andrew Raynor

“That’s sexy,” someone told me after I disclosed that I have an MBA. In the past, I may have taken this as flattering but it was the second time I heard it in the week from two different guys. I am quite certain it was not intended as offensive by any means, and I get that it was likely a sentiment to my intelligence, but I was a bit turned off by the implication that having an MBA made me more attractive of a person.

With being single the last 8 months (DANG, that went by quickly!), I have had my fair share of good dates, bad dates, interesting men (or boys – I can’t help I’m attracted to the younger ones!), and enough d*ck pics to feel like I’ve seen a diverse portfolio. I have a line in my profile saying seeking, “friends with possibilities” because I assume if I put the right energy out to the world, I’ll know when I have found what I am looking for.

The last year has set a new standard of excellence for myself and, call it picky, or selfish, or even uncompromising and set in my ways, but I’m pretty selective about who I am spending my time with. With that being said, I used to be one of these people who had 25 little checkboxes (as my girl, Amber calls it), and had to make sure each of these potential suitors fit nicely within all the checkboxes. Ironically, anyone I dated in the past probably didn’t fill half of them. But setting a personal standard I think is very important, though should be based on who a person IS, not by any materialistic things, a fancy degree or cushy job included.

And frankly, the only person who has been able to fill that space is me. 😉 I mean.. inspired by my spirit animal, Jen Sincero and her book, I did get a tattoo….

love yourself tattoo

Yeah, ME. I got a tattoo.. whaaatttt!?

But really, I live and breathe that book like a life bible.

I have gone through a ridiculous amount of of internal transformation over the last year through a lot of reading, self-discovery, and excess amounts of self-love; my priorities and values have taken quite the shift. While Crossfit and weightlifting completely re-shaped me on the outside and gave me level of confidence physically that I never had before, my current lifestyle has taken my transformation to a new level. The amount that I have learned in the last 16 months, that cost me less than a trip to Target, has been priceless. My MBA, on the other hand, has left me with a bitter taste in my mouth on higher education and something that I rarely even mention, if not on a resume or organically brought up in conversation.

I used to lead introductions with my credentials like, “I have an MBA..” and more recently, “I work at Mercedes,” as if these things make me more valuable of a person. I recently changed my dating profile a couple months ago to say that I am a blogger, removing any sign of a college degree or swanky day job.

If you’ve been following my blog for any amount of time you would know that blogging is probably at the bottom of the list of things that I do lately, but I love it. Sometimes guys question more about what I “do,” to which I followup with, “I’m a writer, a blogger, a social networker, and network marketer. I am a certified personal trainer and have my Crossfit certification; I love to motivate, inspire and encourage people, especially women, and help them to realize that they can be, do, and have anything that they can dream and know that there are no limits.”

Occasionally, conversation may go a little further and the day job comes up. But rarely is it a priority.

When someone asks, “What do you do?” I don’t want to be defined by an employer or by a piece of paper. I want to be defined by me, who I am. What I love. What my passions are. What sets my soul on fire! And when the question is turned around – I want to know the same.

I’m attracted to people with passion. I am not at all discounting money and material possessions as I’m getting quite excited for my future opening up a lot of possibilities and having limitless options on the adventure that I am on. But jobs and degrees? Does it really matter when seeking a counterpart? Could someone who is a musician love you any less than someone who is a brain surgeon? Does a degree from one school or another mean that you are a better lover? Does having a big house make you more in tune to your partner’s feelings?

I went out with a brain surgeon once. Add that to the one-and-done list. Last week I had someone tell me straight up what income he made monthly before we even met. Such a turnoff. But those people live to work – not work to live.

When I was younger I thought it was the right thing to go to college, get the degree, work for someone else. I added in some fun by going for a Master’s degree (partially because I assumed I would get a bigger paycheck, and partially because then I could defer my undergrad loans). I also thought that my “ideal” mate would be someone who did the same. Who had their life all figured out because that’s what the life plan said to do after you turn 18.

And again, perhaps there is some lingering hostility towards being irresponsible (rather, uneducated) when making the decision to opt for student loans. But I really don’t like having a degree as a checkbox that ranks me higher than someone else.

All I did was put in the time and money to get this Master’s Degree.

A silly piece of paper that has kindly left me with a silly piece of student loan debt to the sum of $40,000.

This paper did not improve my social skills. It didn’t teach me how to network, how to market myself. It didn’t come with self confidence attached and definitely didn’t teach me self-love. I didn’t learn how to set myself up with multiple streams of income, nor did it teach that people who are living “The American Dream” are probably the most miserable people around! To me, the degree signifies more of a social stature than a reflection of who I am. If anything, this paper taught me a grand lesson in realizing that the “traditional” way of doing things quite often is not the best way, nor ideal way!

I am not quite sure where I wanted to go with this post, but I suppose it can be summarized as such:

  1. Don’t settle.
  2. A degree is a piece of paper that says you put in time/money – not a reflection of character or skills.
  3. Love yourself.

And P.S.. I miss this space. <3

P.P.S. A new blog with a bit less focus on health and fitness and more focus on motivation/inspiration may be coming soon…

Andrew Raynor

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